Well, not really. I use my hair to fill my void and to shake away the feeling of ugliness for atleast a day or two, I look in the mirror, I take pictures to show my far away friends, its fun, my hair is not a statement, its not a fashion statement either, its a form of art, I love my hair, thats why I sometimes burn it with hair dye, but beauty is pain and beauty is destruction. This could be a story about beauty, a story about hair.
I always had beautiful hair, chocolate brown, soft, growing fast, even now, when I destroyed it, burned it, raped it. But lets go back to the beginning. I was in 4th grade, I was ugly and by that time I knew it, my face was cute but I was fat, sad, had no friends and I knew that too. It never came to me that men can dye their hair, until I read about it in some stupid teen magazine, a guy from some band dyed his hair blonde. I begged my mother to let me dye my hair blonde, she didn't let me, all 5th and 6th grade I was dreaming of dyeing my hair, blonde, black, green, red...all the colors. And in 7th grade I finally got my dye,black, terrible dye job, but it was my first, oh how beautiful I felt, but the dye faded so did my feeling of prettiness, I was so deep into depression that I saw no way out but something kept me here, maybe it was my wish to dye my hair, again. At the end of summer, just before 8th grade I died my tips orange, I did it again and at the end of elementary school my hair was black again. When I stated highschool I died my hair blood red...after that..nothing could stop me, ever, every month theres something different about my hair, dye after dye, rape after rape. All the bleached wounds, so deep, allergy blisters, dry skin and burned tips didn't stop me, ''Beauty hurts'' I said to myself, ''beauty fucking hurts''. I spilled so much blood during all the bleaching, realised I'm allergic to brown dyes, but with all those blisters and burns under my fringe I felt beautiful. I don't feel so strongly about it now, but I need my fix, really bad. Am I strong enough to stop or atleast gain control over my hair and don't let it control me? Only one way to find out, time, time heals all wounds, even ones made with hair bleach.